Well tonight im going to talk my head off until i dnt have anything left in my brain.So buckle up.
Well for starters My one of my closest guy friends calls me and we literally i had talked to him for like a good 10 mins befor mt bestie/sister calls. So i clicked over and told her i was on the phone with him and what not and she goes hmmmmmm im searching for a word. Ummm lets go with loca yea she went loca on me.
Granted we haven't scratch that I haven't talked to him in a good 2 months her on the other hand haven't talk to him in a few weeks to a months. Apparently she talked to him via him calling her from his grandmas or moms and what not. well anyway i three way her in and we're all talking for a moment and then they get to talking to each other and i feel like the third wheel so i put my phone down and write poems, get on tumblr,or on here and just write or troll till i dont want to listen any more.
And the only time they notice im even gone is when they realize their the only ones talking and i get annoyed cause it's like wtf i haven't said shit in like 30 mins NOW you want to say shit me ugh! And they go back to their two convos after i yell out that im still there.
I barely get to talk to him alone. I just dnt know maybe i'm just being spoiled brat and mad that the attention not on me. Or maybe it's the fact that she has feelings for him and i feel the connection and i see her need to always talk to him no matter what. Or maybe i'm being a Bitch for no reason. I just don't really know how i'm feeling I just dnt want to be the third wheel i hate being the third wheel and that's what i felt like. It was hella awkward
Then i get a lot of bs from friends saying i get all the guys and that it's cause im light skinned or mixed and everything else and it makes me mad because if they knew what i was really going through with my self they wouldn't say those things. I just have this big brick wall in front of me at all times.i've never shared my all with someone and it terrifys me because i'm scared i'll show weakness, and that people will take advantage of me again. Because honestly im a real sweetheart with a cold rock for a heart.
Sometimes i wish i could go back in time and change how i lived my life like if i would have been studious or was more active when i was younger i wouldn't have trouble with my weight or self-esteem i wounder if i would have stayed clear from the wannabe bad boys would i trust guys more and take a chance with the right ones.I wounder if i actually gave a fuck in high school would i be in a top ten college or in an Ivy league college.
There are so many layers to me that people just don't know i guess im start using this as my confessional
No comments:
Post a Comment